Tadaa!

Not to disappoint you, but here I am again, two days in a row??? Right?!

Anyways, today in my most magical life, it once again, snowed. Wow I love it, so much! (yes, sarcasm)

So, naturally I chose hibernation in blanket forts and netflix with my dog to be the best form of activity today, I am basically the coolest person ever.

Diet: fail....
Exercise: fail....

Guh, depression and motivation hate one another I tell you, and the longer I get screwed over by guys for, the worse it appears to get.

Good girls....alone   Sluts....married at 20.

I call foul. And no its not a stat, and I know there are exceptions. But if you lived anywhere near the pathetic podunk area I did, you would look around and notice that its a fairly accurate analysis.

Tomorrow will either prove depressing or somewhat better, you will know from my post. I am set to have a date with the guy I have been seeing....Normally it would be awesome but I have a feeling due to whats been going on, albeit out of either of our control, we might break up. Of course, due to his slutty, get prego to save a relationship, ex. Hurray!

Wish me luck!

S

Wow....

So more than anything coming back and looking at this is depressing, it shows that I really can't commit to anything, including this vain attempt to force myself to care.

I'm sure yet again I am speaking to a wall, but as of late I feel like I have found a new low of feeling worthless.

"You can't love someone else until you love yourself"

But what if that loving ones self is impossible? With my lovely mix of mental illness and super attractiveness *eyeroll*, finding someone to love me is already hard, so the fact that I dislike myself is apparently a lovely nail in that coffin.

Looking around my town at the girls that have it all, the guy, the family, the life.....I can't help but wonder WTF?!??! There is nothing special about them and they usually are far worse to the guys they are with than I could ever consider being. So apparently the key is actually to not use birth control. Thats it girls! Get knocked up and the guy will be yours forever no matter how foul you treat them.

Infuriating, all these guys walking around catering to their slag of a wife....just cause one day she stopped the pill, oops.

Regardless, here I am, Still alive, still checking in now and again.

Sad

S

Day two!~

Hey everyone!

So its the end of day two for me....been finding that the hunger pains have come....but that will stay for the next few days and then they should go away......was going to go to the gym today but I just felt like it would be a bad idea so decided against it.

I find it kinda funny the things I have noticed, friends of mine that normally always talk about the gym and being healthy etc, are the same ones trying to convince me to eat *not just food, but CRAP!*

oh well.....we will see in a few days once I weigh myself (trying to only do it every 4-5 days)

I really hope that when I do its a MUCH lower number!

Side note: I also still have huge feelings of low self worth, self hate...etc....and have a meeting with my psychologist tomorow....so that should be interesting.....not that I will divulge anything on this subject.

Dont know if I stated before, I have borderline personality dissorder, major depressive dissorder, and anxiety.....ya im a real friggen catch.

Anyways.....day two down.....38 to go....lol.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQkYcbo7M0Y&feature=plcp

Love you all. xxoo.

S

Day One! Waterfasting

Hey all....wow am I good at keeping up a blog or what?! haha.

So today is the start of my new fast. I have decided I would like to try for at least one 40 day fast if I can make it. If I encounter any signs or feelings that I am worried for my health I will stop. But this is the quickest way I know to get rid of the weight. And using my blog will help me shame myself into carrying on with this..... I will be trying to "vlog" everyday so that you can see the progress/ I can......as well as trying to post daily on here as to my progress.......

And I will be trying to only weigh myself once every few days so that I dont get weighed down with the jumping numbers....as last time I tried this, everytime that the number would bounce back up a little I would be upset with my body.....

But here we go I guess

I will be doing a water fast, no calorie intake.
              -will be taking multivitamin daily just for health.
              -only drinking water, or trying to...might have the occasional zero calorie other
                drink just so others notice less.

Here we go....today right now is the end of day one. :)

Stats: (embarassing!!!!!!!)

         I am 5'4"

         todays weight is 229.........ugh I hate myself.

link to video for today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36bzbux5Bi0&feature=plcp

See you tomorow.......

S

Im back!

Hello Blog,

Sorry for my absence... although I hope to post daily as a self motivator once again.

'dieting' once again, went to the gym today and did 45 mins on the treadmill.....not good but not bad either, also as a sign of commitment to myself and this weight loss I decided that today would be a fasting day....so my body is just getting used to the idea again, lots of water has been curbing the stomach grumbles.

**discretion advised**
In no way am I writing this as a guide for anyone to follow, I realize that this form of 'diet' is considered unhealthy... I am an adult and free to do what I wish, but please do not follow me as an example....I am absolutely not a good role model!

 **discretion advised**

Well bloggies, I will see you tomorrow and everyday that I can possibly keep this up for.....hopefully longer than last time :S

CLL!

hey

worthless