woke up being unhappy....my mother asked me if "i am safe" again yesterday, all because i simply told her that i am sorry that i disappoint them (my parents). she argued me over whether i did or not....i know that i do tho, i wouldn't be happy if my 24 year old daughter was as f""ked up as i am....
so today i just really have felt totally out of control and unhappy. the guy that i have been having sex with and pursuing a relationship with again today went back to his ex. shes a fat bitch that is so stupid i cant even convey it. she has no high school, dropped out in grade 9....and is a bartender, no school, no future, no brain.
makes me feel so much worse about myself wondering what it is about me that makes me less wanted than a girl like her....i am unwanted, and she doesn't even have to try to have everything.
i know that i shouldn't even want him, and that hes an idiot. but my mind tells me i want guys like him, and on good days, hes the only thing that makes me happy at all.
regardless i decided that today i wouldn't eat.
and i couldn't even keep that up, i ate a couple pieces of popcorn and a couple fries.....i feel fat, and disgusted with myself.
i cant wait ...2 days and i get to start back on the treadmill......i need to loose sooooo much more weight I'm a cow, and i obviously disgust men.......
i wish i was thin, i wish i was happy, i wish i was beautiful.....
im going to go watch the kim carpenter movie again.....gain new insight and ideas.....
**clue for people...watching documentaries and movies on eating disorders help keep up your resolve**
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